Haruhi and the King of Fools
by Aurora IceTree
Summary: Kyon did something bad. Really bad. Now, he's faced with a Haruhi bent on revenge- revenge in the form of endless pranks. If he hopes to get out alive, he's gonna' have to beat her at her own game. April Fool's Day Special!
1. Fool of Incompetence

**Aurora Note: Hey there! ^_^ It seems so long since I last uploaded a story on here! =O But here it is as promised! My mystery fic~ I was planning to return to this fandom anyway so I thought it was an ideal opportunity to do it as a special~ I was torn between making it an Easter special or April Fool's Day one but in the end I went for April Fool's Day because it's much more fun XD **

**All references to reindeer and bunny suits and anything else that doesn't make sense relates to my first Haruhi fic : When Haruhi Became Obsessed With A Reindeer. The story should make sense if you haven't read the first fic, the references are just for additional humour. =D **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya~ **

**Warning: Contains swearing and mild violence (probably through out most of the fic)**

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Queen of Contemplation, Fool of Incompetence**

Kyon stared open mouthed at the furious girl before him. Her face was flushed with anger, bitter tears leaking from her eyes. Never before had Kyon seen Haruhi so enraged, and it was all his fault.

"Look, Haruhi I-" Kyon started only to be cut off when a book slammed into his face.

"No! You've gone too far this time Kyon! _Nothing_ you say can make it better!" the president of the SOS Brigade, yelled back.

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"You still did it! First you hate my reindeer-" she paused to throw another book at Kyon. This time he ducked. "And now you must hate _me_!" Haruhi picked up a pair of scissors from her desk and would have thrown them too if it hadn't been for Yuki grabbing her wrist.

"I can't allow you to grievously harm Kyon-kun, Suzumiya-san," Yuki stated monotonously.

"Thank you, Nagato-san!" Kyon cried in relief, rubbing the dent on his head the book had made.

"What about books?" Haruhi asked with a sniffle as she tried to contain her tears. "They won't kill him will they?"

"Aim below the neck," Yuki concluded after giving Kyon a calculating glance.

"Gladly!"

"Gahhh!"

A volley of books rained down on Kyon as he tried to escape the scorned woman's attack. Mikuru cowered in the corner of the clubroom, her big eyes wide as saucers, her bottom lip trembling slightly. _No! Please don't cry Asahina-san! _Kyon thought as he caught sight of her. A shoe suddenly collided with Kyon's face, hard enough to make his nose bleed, and the force was so great he flew backwards tripping over a chair in the process. Mikuru screamed as he landed in a heap at her feet.

"Tha' wa' thnot a boothk!" Kyon cried, glaring up at Haruhi.

She was just about to grab her other shoe when Itsuki grabbed her arms and pinned them to her sides.

"Hey!" she cried, all tears gone, a slight smirk on her face at the sight of Kyon lying bleeding on the floor.

"I think we should try to be civilised about this," Itsuki said, narrowly avoiding Haruhi's teeth as she tried to bite the hand that was holding her still.

"Me too!" Mikuru squeaked.

"Yuki grab some scarves from the costume pile," Itsuki ordered.

Yuki complied and minutes later Haruhi and Kyon were tied to chairs facing each other. Haruhi glared and Kyon tilted his head back in a vain attempt to stop the blood trickling from his nose onto his shirt.

"Now, Suzumiya-san, tell Kyon how you feel about...uh what happened earlier," Itsuki said playing therapist, tactfully avoiding mentioning the earlier incident that was the cause of this latest war between the two club members.

"He embarrassed me in front of EVERYONE IN OUR YEAR! In the WORST POSSIBLE WAY! I think it's pretty obvious how I'm feeling right now!" Haruhi yelled, aiming a kick at Kyon's knee.

"Hey-ow! Haruhi- ow- stop it! Ow!"

Itsuki quickly dragged Haruhi further away from Kyon.

"I'm sorry, Haruhi! I really am! It was an _accident_! I'm sure everyone will forget about it-"

"No! They won't! This is the kind of thing people remember FOREVER!"

"Just calm down!"

"No! You've woken the anger in me, Kyon, and I swear on the graves of my ancestors I will have revenge!"

_Oh hell, she _must_ be serious if she's swearing on the graves of her ancestors_. _The only thing she usually swears by is the power of chocolate...and bunny suits, and damn are _they_ powerful. _

"This is war, Kyon!"

_This can not be good..._

~#~#~#~#~

_The Day Before_

Kyon stared at the simple clock mounted on the wall. It seemed the more he stared at it the slower the seconds passed. He was vaguely aware of Haruhi sitting beside him rambling on about something, but naturally he wasn't listening. Eighty percent of everything she said was pure garbage, ten per cent was insults aimed at him, five per cent was designs for outfits even an exotic dancer would blush at, and that last five per cent was entirely devoted to skimpy bunny girl suits, a rare similarity between them, as a quarter of Kyon's daily thoughts consisted of Mikuru in her little outfit.

Over the last few months Kyon had truly learnt the full horror of detention. Due to a certain 'Reindeer Incident', as it had became widely known across the school, and a little 'accident' with a snowball, Kyon and Haruhi had been forced to endure three whole months of detention after school. That meant three whole months sitting together in a small room for an endless hour. Three whole months of no SOS Brigade. Three whole months of having to keep Haruhi entertained (God forbid the consequences of her boredom) with his only resources being a few rubber bands, a box of chalk and a packet of sporks.

Mikuru, Yuki and Itsuki had managed to get their jail time down to a month because of 'good behaviour' and Kyon would have too if it had not been for Haruhi calling him 'Bunny Boy', a nickname that haunted him where ever he went, the misfortunate outcome of a distraction gone wrong. Kyon had fired a rubber band at her which lead to a full on war, which promptly ended when the teacher in charge of detention walked in to find Haruhi sitting on Kyon's chest, rubber band aimed at his face yelling 'How do you like me now, Bunny Boy!'. Ever since then, the usually lenient teacher had sat at the front of the classroom constantly staring at them like a hawk.

This particular hour was the end of their sentence. The teacher had fallen asleep approximately thirty seconds after she sat down at her desk and Kyon had been staring at the clock for almost the entire hour, his eyelids beginning to droop, a puddle of drool steadily growing on his desk. He perked up slightly as he saw that there was only three minutes left.

"Kyon. Kyon? Kyon!" Haruhi whined tugging at his sleeve.

"Eh?" he replied turning to her, hastily wiping away the drool.

"Should have known you weren't listening...," grumbled Haruhi.

Kyon sighed, glanced at the clock again- two minutes to go. "For the next two minutes you have my undivided attention," he said sarcastically.

"Good!" she smiled, ignoring the sarcasm. "As I was saying before your _snoring_ interrupted-"

_Oops was I actually snoring? _Kyon thought _Oh right, undivided attention..._

"...don't you think?" Haruhi finished.

"Um..yeah brilliant, absolutely brilliant?" Kyon tried. _Damn, what have I agreed to now?_

"So you think shaving squirrels while wearing a tutu, singing _Talk Dirty To Me_ is absolutely brilliant?"

"You have a twisted imagination, you know?"

Of course. Now list-"

Haruhi was interrupted once again as the little egg timer on the teacher's desk started chirping signalling the hour was up. Scowling the teacher opened her eyes, blinked a few times, then realised what the beeping was.

"FREEDOM!" she cried in unison with Kyon.

Kyon jumped to his feet and grabbed his bag, looking at the teacher expectantly.

"Scat, Bunny Boy!" she called as she hurriedly exited the room.

Kyon scowled at his nickname and was about to leave when Haruhi grabbed his collar and shoved him back into his chair.

"You are not leaving until you have listened to me!" she cried, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Meep,"

"April first-"

"Is a date?"

"Yes, but-"

"Is two days away?"

"Yes, now shut up!"

Kyon remained silent, he wanted to leave alive after all.

"April first is April Fool's Day," Haruhi beamed happily. "It's this day where you go around pranking people and making them look like fools! It sounds sooooo fun, so I propose in the second SOS Brigade meeting we'll have had in _months_ to participate in this tradition!"

"Ok, who let you near the internet?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing,".

"Did you forget the last time you-"

"Yeah, yeah but this time nothing bad will happen,".

"Just keep telling yourself that...Can we go already?"

~#~#~#~#~

_Next Day_

"Hehehehe...," Haruhi muttered under her breath.

"You do realise you're laughing maniacally out loud, right?" Kyon asked her.

Haruhi had had several of these random outbursts of laughter all the way to school. _She's plotting something..._Kyon thought to himself. _Please, please, please don_'_t say she's doing something that will result in my untimely death. _

"I'm not laughing," she smiled coyly.

"And I _don't_ have an obsession with bunny suits...," Kyon murmured with a roll of his eyes.

~#~#~#~#~

Students neatly filed into the auditorium for the morning assembly. Kyon took his seat and almost immediately zoned out. The principal began droning on about something, his weary eyes lingering on where the SOS Brigade sat, for he didn't want a repeat of previous incidents.

Before he knew it, the assembly was over and Haruhi was pushing past him after he failed to move when she kicked him.

"Ah Kyon- kun we need to go to class now," Mikuru mumbled as she waited for Kyon to move.

Stifling a yawn, Kyon began to shuffle out of the auditorium. And that's when it happened. The event that would lead to a full on war.

"Gah!" Kyon cried as his foot caught on the leg of a chair.

They say when bad things happen, time slows down. At that moment Kyon saw that this statement was true. It was like he was observing the scene as a spectator. He saw himself falling forwards, slowly, like he was falling through custard. Then he saw himself reach out- for anything- to save himself from face planting the floor. And before he knew it he'd grabbed hold of Haruhi's skirt.

A shocked gasp flooded the room as Haruhi's skirt landed around her ankles, Kyon clinging to the material.

_Oh crap...please say I didn't just...please, please, please no! _Kyon thought, too afraid of Haruhi's wrath to look up.

Snickers and giggles floated down to where Kyon lay, then it turned into full out laughter. Now, Kyon _had_ to look up.

He was met with Haruhi staring down at him, tears filling her eyes, and then he saw _them. _Her underwear. Bright pink frilly things. With little pictures of cartoon hamsters on. _Oh. My. God. _

"Kyon!" Haruhi screamed, and he realised he was staring.

With a cry, Haruhi grabbed her skirt, yanked it up and fled the room, laughter chasing her as she went.

"This isn't going to end well...," Itsuki sighed.

"H-hamsters?" Kyon stuttered.

* * *

**Aurora Note: So that was chapter one! =D I apologise for any mistakes etc it has been a looonng time since I watched the series and I haven't watched the second series yet~ Also I apologise for any Out Of Character ness. Like I said, haven't watched it for a while and sometimes OOC ness is necessary for humour purposes. XD **

**This story will most likely be five chapters and I intend to update every two days. It's Easter break so I should be able to do this as there's no school! XD So yeah, hope it's ok! **

**Please review~! And feel free to check out my profile for more fics ^_^**


	2. Fool of Bargaining

**Aurora Note: ****Ta-da~! Chapter two! Sorry it's a bit delayed -_-' Enjoy! =D**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Queen of Vengeance, Fool of Bargaining**

"This is war, Kyon!" Haruhi screamed.

With an angry cry she pulled free of the scarves binding her hands and pointed a finger threateningly at Kyon, who was ever so tempted to say _Ooo a finger, I'm so scared! _but fears over the future condition of his face stopped him. But only just.

"This is war," their eccentric leader repeated, only this time she said it almost happily. A mischievous smile crept onto Haruhi's face.

"Haruhi...please don't smile like that," Kyon said warily, as she untied her feet and stood, slowly edging towards Kyon, the creepy smile steadily growing larger. "Haruhi...".

She stopped in front of Kyon, Itsuki at her side ready to grab her if she- no- _when_ she attacked.

"And if this is war...," Haruhi began, eyes glinting. "Then we get to choose".

Kyon stared dumbly at her. She should know by now that a single sentence was not going to make things clear to him. Only after her plan had been deconstructed, detailed diagrams of each section provided, explained to him a million times in several languages, made into a book and made into a film staring Angelina Jolie as Haruhi, with many scenes containing bunny suits, would Kyon fully understand. But all he got was half arsed, contradicting ramblings from a girl who believed in aliens, time travellers and espers and because she was _God_ they _were_ real, only she didn't know, despite spending the majority of her time with them. No, Kyon would never understand what was going on in her head for this was a girl who had the power to do _anything_ right at her fingertips, yet she chose to declare war on Kyon for accidentally flashing her underwear to all their classmates (despite the fact she was quite happy to wear a skimpy bunny suit that left little to the imagination), and surely it made more sense for her, for _God_, to just reverse time?

Alas it seemed that reversing time was just too impossible for even _her_ to imagine, so here she was declaring war. Just like any other teenager her age did on a daily basis...

"Choose what?" Kyon enquired, dreading the answer.

"Our armies, duh!"

_Oh god, oh god, please don't say she can make a whole army appear! Please, please, please! I'll stop thinking of bunny suits _Kyon's inner monologue ranted. _I'll get rid of that picture of Mikuru! Wait. Who am I even begging to? _

"But there's only five of us Haruhi. And they're not exactly gonna be even armies," Kyon said nervously, hoping logic would deter Haruhi. "You wanna play fair, right?"

"Hmm, I suppose you're right..."

_Logic: Crazy people's worst nightmare!_

"But I'm sure Nagato-san wouldn't mind being referee, right?"

Haruhi turned on their silent companion, who simply nodded. _Damn you Nagato-san!_

"Excellent! So it's me and Mikuru, against Bunny Boy and Itsuki," Haruhi smiled happily.

"Wait a minute! I never agreed to any of this! And why am I still tied up?!"

"Because you're an idiot," Haruhi stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And you don't have to agree. I will get my vengeance whether you like it or not".

Haruhi grinned triumphantly and began to head towards the door. On the way she retrieved her shoe and, for good measure, slapped Kyon once more in the face. "Let's go, Mikuru-chan!"

Mikuru whimpered and hesitantly picked her way through the carnage that was the club room. Haruhi's temper had left the floor strewn with books, their spines snapped upon impact with Kyon's face, pages bursting free, now covering everything like huge pieces of confetti. Furniture was sprawled everywhere due to Kyon's failed attempts at building a fort, and the cosplay mountain appeared to have evolved into a volcano and erupted, as random items of clothing were here and there.

_Oh great, she leaves us to clean up _her_ mess. _

"Hey, any chance I could be untied now?"

~#~#~#~#~

_Next Day, April 1__st_

Kyon blinked open his sleep filled eyes. Had he just heard a giggle? Shrugging it off, he rolled over and buried himself further beneath his quilt. Waking up could wait another five minutes. School could wait forever if it wanted, because all that waited for him there was a whole world of pain in the form of Haruhi and her 'army' and he was much happier dreaming of Mikuru wearing nothing but a- that was definitely a giggle!

With a groan, Kyon pulled himself into an upright position. Why did school have to start so early? He rubbed his eyes and quickly located the source of the giggles. His sister.

"Morning, Onii-chan," Mini- Haruhi sang from the doorway.

"And why are you so happy this morning?" Kyon growled. He was not in the mood for the Haruhi clone's antics today. Sometimes she was just as bad as the original.

"No reason in particular," she replied, smiling in that scary way. "Just watch your step!"

Mini-Haruhi scampered off and Kyon blinked after her. _What on earth? _

Then he noticed the floor seemed to be sparkling in the sunlight that filtered through his curtains. Cautiously leaning over the side of his bed Kyon investigated.

"Holy macaroni..."

Covering almost every inch of his bedroom floor were mouse traps. Hundreds and hundreds of mouse traps. They were even on his shelves and window ledge so there was no possible way of escape, and no possible way of disabling them all.

"Haruhiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

~#~#~#~#~

"Ow- stupid- ow -Haruhi is gonna- ow- pay for this!" Kyon seethed as he limped to school.

Seeing as his entire bedroom had become the mouse equivalent of hell, Kyon had been left with no choice but to try and leap across the entire length of the room to the safety of the hall. But seeing as he was Kyon, he landed in the middle of the room, and had spent almost half an hour painfully peeling over one hundred mouse traps from various places, all of which were now a lovely bright red and ached like there was no tomorrow.

"Morning, Kyon-kun!" Itsuki called, joining his friend as he slowly made his way upstairs to the club room. "Ouch, what happened to you?"

"So many mouse traps...," Kyon replied vaguely, not wishing to go into detail over his latest misfortune.

"And your face?"

"My face?"

Asides from certain bruising from all the objects flying at his face yesterday afternoon, Kyon couldn't think of anything else wrong with his face, and now that he thought about it, he hadn't looked in a mirror this morning...

"Um...," Itsuki started, turning Kyon so he could see his reflection in a near by cabinet. "See for yourself".

Kyon stared at his reflection. On top of all the bruises he now had whiskers and a cute button nose, applied with what looked suspiciously like permanent marker pen.

"This isn't going to come off any time soon is it?"

"Uh, nope..."

"Excuse me while I go commit a crime".

Kyon turned stiffly and marched up the remainder of the stairs.

"It's not murder is it?" Itsuki called after him.

"Is it murder if she 'trips' and falls out a window?"

"I'm pretty sure it is if _you_ trip her".

"Damn".

"Do you even know if it was Suzumiya-san?" Itsuki asked catching up to Kyon. "It could have been your sister".

"No, this was Haruhi, my sister probably helped her, but it was definitely Haruhi. Who else do we know who's insane enough to fill a person's room with mouse traps while they sleep? This is that war she was talking about!"

"True but- ah don't open the door!" Itsuki cried, grabbing Kyon's wrist just as he was about to open the clubroom door.

"What?!"

"Look," Itsuki replied, pointing at the door handle.

Now that Kyon looked closely, he saw that little sparks were flying off the metal door handle and there was a faint buzzing sound being emitted.

"She didn't!" Kyon exclaimed.

"I did!" Haruhi cried, opening the club room door with a flourish.

Haruhi stood in the doorway, Mikuru cowering behind her, giant rubber gloves on her hands, white lab coat and goggles completing her mad scientist look.

"You electrified the door handle!" Kyon cried, the full extent of how close he had came to almost dying hitting him like a two ton truck.

"Yes I did! And I'm only just getting started!"

"You tried to kill me! And- and you filled my room with mouse traps! And you drew on my face! Isn't that enough? You've got your revenge, Haruhi. Just stop!" Kyon was getting desperate. There was no way of telling how far Haruhi was going to take her revenge.

"No! You made a fool of me, so I'll make a fool of you!"

Fool. Why did that word ring a bell? Then Kyon realised.

"It's April Fool's Day! That's why you're doing all this! You're going to prank me until you've got revenge? Or until I die?!"

"Until you die would be good but I have no desire to spend time in jail just yet".

"So that means if you prank me...," Kyon said, a plan starting to form. "I can prank you too!"

"This _is_ war, Kyon remember? You can fight back too".

"In that case. I declare war on you too, Haruhi!"

"Good! It's much more fun if you participate! I can crush all your efforts to beat me!"

"Fine! Let the games begin!"

"Fine!"

Haruhi slammed the clubroom door shut and Kyon sped off down the corridor with an angry stamp of his heel. Itsuki, who had been staring at the pair as they fought, wearily trudged after Kyon.

_What a pair of five-year-olds..._

* * *

**Aurora Note: Anyone else think everyone's kinda OOC? Oh well, I hope it's ok! And after writing this chapter I realised the title of the chapter doesn't fit the content that well -_-' (I thought up the title before I wrote the chapter). Also if anyone understood anything in that small rant near the start (beginning with 'Kyon stared dumbly at her...') give yourself a medal! I worte it and even I'm not sure what I'm going on about XD I'm working on making the paragraphs longer, I know that's my main problem, but on Word the paragraphs look big but on here they're all stretched out and not so big -_-'**

**Please review!~ And check out my profile for progress updates and more fics! ^_^**


	3. Fool of Triviality

**Aurora Note: Hey! =D Sorry for the long wait but here's chapter three! Enjoy! (This chapter goes on forever!)****

* * *

**

Chapter Three

**Queen of Adamance, Fool of Triviality**

Itsuki pushed open the library door and scanned the room. Just as he suspected, Kyon was sitting at a computer in the corner, hunched over, typing like crazy. He walked over to his friend and peered at the screen. Several windows were open, all showing information on April Fool's Day. It looked like Kyon really was taking Haruhi seriously. _And I thought Kyon couldn't get any more stupid..._Itsuki pondered.

Kyon, who had been lost in his own little bunny suit filled world, jumped as he noticed Itsuki reading over his shoulder. "Gah! Don't do that!" he cried, scooting away slightly. "I thought you were an assasin sent by Haruhi!".

"Haruhi doesn't want to kill you".

"She might not _want _to but I'm pretty sure she could kill me accidentally and even then I don't think it would be a complete accident".

"True...So what's all this about?" Itsuki asked, indicating the computer screen.

" Haruhi's not going to give up so I might as well beat her at her own game. And to do that I need to know the rules".

"There's rules for April Fool's Day?"

"Yes! See!" Kyon clicked a few times and another site popped up on the screen.

"'April Fool's Day is traditionally celebrated until midday'," Itsuki read aloud. "But this is only in the UK and Australia and a couple of other places. ".

"What!" Kyon cried in dismay, scanning the page again. "Damn, you're right. But Haruhi will stick to tradition right? Right?"

"You're scr-"

"Screwed? I know? But I can always cling to that faint hope...".

"And it does say right here...," Itsuki pointed to the screen, "That 'in Japan the jokes last all day'".

"Are you trying to make this worse on purpose?".

"Not intentionally, but have you ever considered just ignoring Haruhi?"

Kyon blinked a few times, then burst out laughing. Several of the students occupying the library turned to stare at him, and the librarian glared from her desk. Itsuki leant against the desk, with a roll of his eyes, arms folded.

"Kyon-kun?"

"Hahahahaaa-I'm sorry -haha- but is it even possi-haha-ble to _ignore_ Haruhi?"

"It's true she is a bit..."

"Insane? Psychotic? Ludicrous?"

"...Quirky"

"Is that slang for completely ridiculous?"

"One man's schizoid is another's prodigy".

"Ok, stop with the smart speak," Kyon muttered, yet again confused by big words or anything that didn't contain the words 'bunny' and 'suit'. "Look, I figure if I just stay out of Haruhi's way for the day, I won't die".

"So you're not going to try and get revenge for the whole..." Itsuki indicated Kyon's marker pen whiskers, the surrounding flash rubbed raw in a vain attempt to remove his new features.

"Are you nuts! Of course I am! It's just going to have to be something subtle, and possibly painful..."

"For you or for Haruhi?"

"Who knows...".

~#~#~#~#~

The comforting sound of classroom chatter filled the room as the class waited for their teacher to arrive. Kyon scanned the room carefully as he made his way towards the door, as inconspicuously as was possible for him. Haruhi and Mikuru were absent among the faces Kyon scanned but Yuki was sitting by the window buried in a book. _I hope she really is just the referee..._Kyon thought, as he ushered Itsuki after him, there was no guarantee that Haruhi would follow the rules, after all she was _Haruhi- _the girl who could get away with anything, no matter how dangerous or illegal.

Luckily, most of the class were too caught up in their own business to notice Kyon place a big bucket on the teacher's desk, or Itsuki handing him a bag full of cans of soda. The duo then began to open the cans and pour the sweet liquid into the bucket. To the trained eye, this was easily recognisable as the start of a whole lot of trouble.

"So this is your subtle revenge?" Itsuki asked, tossing an empty can into the trash. "I fail to notice the subtlety..."

"The internet said the old bucket- of -goo -on- top- of -the -door- trick is a classic," Kyon explained. "I think it's better than something elaborate".

"And you don't see any way this could possibly go wrong?"

"Oh I see every single little way this could go wrong, and I'm ignoring it. Just like I ignore the fact that bunny suits will never be regulation uniform here...Now go wait in the corridor for Haruhi and make sure she is the first to enter the room. If she isn't...".

"Then you're screwed?"

"Exactly".

Itsuki sighed and with a shake of his head, exited the room. Kyon grabbed a chair and began to set up his trap. A few curious faces turned his way, but no one stopped him- after all when Kyon was doing something stupid there was bound to be something funny about to happen, just look at what happened yesterday. The school was still buzzing with gossip over the 'Pantie Incident' and since Haruhi's declaration of war had happened after school hours in the privacy of the SOS Brigade, no one knew yet how the fiery brunette was going to take her revenge. They were all fairly certain she _was_ out for vengeance (who wouldn't be after an unfortunate fashion choice was revealed to everyone?) and being the blood thirsty teenagers they were, they were pretty hungry for a little blood shed right at that moment. It was only a matter of time before Kyon was carted off in an ambulance...Only it looked as though _Kyon_ was the one out to get Haruhi. The show would be _very_ entertaining today...

Kyon stepped back and admired his work. The bucket balanced precariously atop the door, filled to the brim with cherry soda. Glancing quickly at Itsuki, who signalled that the enemy was approaching, Kyon returned to his seat, and thirty sets of eyes swivelled to the doorway in anticipation.

~#~#~#~#~

Haruhi's eyes narrowed as she caught sight of Itsuki standing outside the classroom door. If he was around, Kyon couldn't be far. Stopping abruptly, Haruhi grabbed Mikuru, who was trailing at her heel like a frightened puppy, and retreated down the corridor.

"They're up to something, Mikuru-chan!" she declared.

"W-well you did t-try to kill Kyon-kun, Suzumiya-san. I don't think he t-took it that well," Mikuru stammered under the glare of her leader.

"He probably wouldn't have died...Anyway, Mikuru-chan, my faithful General, you're gonna have to take this hit for me".

"Wha-what?!"

"Whatever they've got planned, you've got to take my place and face the music!"

"I don't hear any music..."

Haruhi grabbed Mikuru and spun her round, one arm over her shoulder, the other arm stretched out in front of her, sweeping across, as though she was indicating marvellous treasures.

"It's an expression! But you've gotta grow a pair and take my place. Die for your leader!"

"Grow a p-pair of what? And die!?"

Haruhi sighed. "Just get in the classroom, Mikuru-chan".

"Why are you all out here?" a new voice called.

"Ah Sensei! Good morning!" Haruhi said politely.

Mikuru glanced at Haruhi, and whimpered quietly as she caught sight of her expression- the crazy-gonna-get-us-all-killed-or-worse-stuck-in-detention-for-three-months look that was all too familiar.

"We were waiting for you, Sensei," Haruhi lied, with a cheery smile.

"Oh...well, go inside then," the teacher replied, surprised at her student's sudden interest in something other than the supernatural.

"After you, ma'am".

"Gahh! No!" Itsuki cried, lunging across the door way.

"Itsuki-kun!" the teacher cried, again surprised, but this time at one of her more 'normal' students acting so out of character.

"Itsuki, have you never heard of ladies first?" Haruhi asked with a sly smile.

"I-uh...but-I...after you, Sensei..." Itsuki sighed in defeat.

The teacher gave a puzzled look at each of her students then entered the classroom.

~#~#~#~#~

"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

Kyon charged across the classroom at light speed and ploughed into the teacher as she was about to enter the room. They flew through the doorway, the bucket of soda tumbling as the motion knocked the door. Kyon and the teacher landed in the corridor in a tangled heap, the bucket falling behind them with a loud splash, soda splattering all up the walls and onto the faces of those unfortunate enough to be seated at the front of the room.

A loud gasp floated out into the corridor, quickly followed by laughter and excessive gossiping. Mikuru stared bug eyed at the pair on the floor, Itsuki face palmed and Haruhi glowered triumphantly. Kyon returned her gaze with a quick one fingered salute.

"Kyon-kun! Get off me this instant!" the enraged teacher yelled from beneath her student, who had ended up sitting on top of her.

"Oops..." Kyon muttered as he pulled the teacher to her feet.

"Do you realise how much trouble you are in! What is the meaning of all this?" she berated him.

Kyon exchanged another look of war with Haruhi and delved into his mind for some imaginative excuses.

"I can explain everything, Sensei..."

~#~#~#~#~

Kyon wearily returned to the classroom, his ears still ringing from the rant the principal had given him, the annoying weight of two weeks detention sitting heavily in his mind. _And just when I regained my freedom..._

"Excuse me, Sensei," Kyon apologised walking into the classroom.

With a glare the teacher indicated his desk at the back of the room, and continued her lesson. Sighing, Kyon sat down and the almost silence of the room was broken with his action. A loud noise of flatulence rang out, followed by a sudden hush.

"Kyon-kun!"

"That wasn't me!"

"Well who else could it be!"

"I-she-no...gahhhh!"

"I think you better-"

"Wait outside? Got it".

Kyon stood up and this time noticed the whoopie cushion sitting innocently on his chair. He turned to Haruhi, who's desk was behind his, and she smiled sweetly.

"Just a little present to remind you, you won't win!" she grinned. "And consider it revenge for that puny attempt to get me earlier".

"But I _didn't _get you!"

"The intent was there. It's good enough."

"Kyon-kun! Go!"

"Ok, ok I'm going!"

~#~#~#~#~

One more punishment later, Kyon entered the cafeteria for morning break and joined Yuki and Itsuki at a table. Haruhi and Mikuru were absent.

"Where's the She Devil?" Kyon asked, glancing around cautiously.

"Bathroom," Itsuki answered.

"Good. I have another idea," Kyon said, struck by sudden inspiration.

"Is this one as stupid as the 'brilliant' idea you had earlier?" Itsuki asked.

"It would have worked if _you _had done your job right!"

" Hey, I'm just a foot soldier! This war is between you Generals".

"Ok... shut up and listen. When Haruhi gets here, you go get us all drinks. Then you'll distract her while I pour salt in her's. Then ,ta-da bitter sweet revenge!"

"Isn't that a bit cruel?"

Kyon gave Itsuki a look that said ' And you call me stupid?'.

"Ok point taken".

~#~#~#~#~

Haruhi joined her friends at their table- well she joined Yuki and that idiot. Itsuki joined them a moment later, five little Styrofoam cups of tea in his hands.

"Ah, thank you, Itsuki-kun!" Haruhi smiled.

Kyon stared at her. She seemed happy...too happy. And Mikuru still hadn't shown up.

"Where's Mikuru-chan?" Kyon asked, slightly fearing the safety of his beloved princess.

"She had an errand to run".

"Really?"

"Why? Don't you believe me?"

"Well you're not exactly an honest-"

"Ahhh!"

_Gasp! The distraction!_

Haruhi cried out in alarm, and stared at Itsuki who was sprawled on the floor.

"What the hell happened!" she cried, dragging the boy to his feet. Kyon took the opportunity to pour a few packets of salt into Haruhi's tea.

"Oh, I just slipped. I'm fine now," Itsuki smiled, waving off Haruhi.

"Right..." their leader replied, returning to her seat.

_Hehehehe_ Kyon laughed silently, sipping his tea. _Maybe I'll actually beat her at this little game..._

"Mikuru-chan!" Haruhi waved over their friend.

Kyon turned and spat out his mouthful of tea. _What the hell?!_

Mikuru tentatively walked into the cafeteria and nearly every male face turned to look at her, for Haruhi had once again forced her into a ridiculous outfit. This time it was a cute little maid outfit, complete with apron and cap, and thankfully her top half was completely covered, though the same couldn't be said for her legs, which were adorned with fancy fish nets and a skirt that barely covered her underwear.

"Drool...I mean, Haruhi, is that really necessary?" Kyon cried, rushing over to Mikuru. Haruhi took the opportunity to swap her tea for Kyon's. Itsuki stared at her.

"You know, you're a failure to the male species, Itsuki-kun. There's a beautiful girl in a tiny outfit right over there and you're watching tea," Haruhi said bluntly.

"And you're cheating,".

"I believe we never established rules. Right Nagato-san?"

"No rules were established," Yuki intoned monotonously.

"So I can interfere?"

"No! I hereby create the rule that only the person who devised the prank can interfere," Haruhi protested. "Kyon interfered earlier, so the rule is already being used!".

"But the rule didn't even exist then!"

"Shush! He's coming back!"

Itsuki sighed and shook his head. Kyon returned to his seat having reluctantly sent Mikuru back to the clubroom to get changed. Haruhi tried to look uninterested as she waited for him to fall prey to her trap.

"I don't think I even _want _to know what all that was about..." Kyon said to no one in particular.

Kyon raised his tea, to drink, causing Itsuki to make a strangled sound as he began to protest and Haruhi kicked him under the table. _Oh crap _Kyon thought as he drank, only to find the bitter taste of salt filling his mouth. With a splutter he spat it out.

"Haruhi!"

"Yes, Bunny Boy?"

"What-did- did you swap the drinks back?"

"Well duh. Did you really think I was as stupid as you?"

"How? How did you know...Itsuki-kun- did you betray-"

"No, it wasn't Itsuki".

"Then..."

"I knew you were an idiot, Kyon, but it wasn't that hard to find the website you were getting all your pranks from". Kyon gaped at her. Maybe his ingenious plan hadn't been so great afer all... "April-Fool's-Day-For-Dummies. com, was it?"

Itsuki face palmed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "You got all these pranks from a website?"

"Haha...yeah..."

"And don't tell me you did them in order?"

Kyon remained silent and shuffled uncomfortably in his seat .

"Oh. ."

"His next one was going to be the black ink round the telescope view finder trick," Haruhi said smugly.

"No it wasn't!" Kyon denied, even though it was the shameful truth. "Look, I'm sick of this Haruhi! Can't we call it a day?"

"You're only saying that because you're losing!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Score, Nagato-san!"

"Suzumiya-san four, Kyon-kun zero," Yuki stated, staring blankly into the distance.

"Ok, I am losing! But surely the score proves you've got your revenge already?"

"No! I will not give up until you feel how I felt yesterday, Kyon!

"But you _have _to stop at midday!"At this point the pair were standing, grabbing each other by the collar threateningly, everyone staring at them.

"Who says I have to? We made no rules Kyon-"

"Actually you made one just now, Suumiya-san," Itsuki interrupted.

"We made one rule Kyon! I am not sticking to tradition! And that's not even tradition in _this_ country! Tradition will not let me get my complete and utter revenge!"

"But-but-gahhhh! That could take days!"

Kyon let Haruhi go and stormed out of the cafeteria chanting over and over in his head. _I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. _

Haruhi sat down, grabbed her non-salty tea and leant back triumphantly.

"You can run, Bunny Boy, but you will fall," she muttered under her breath.

"You know that's really creepy, right?" Itsuki asked.

"Of course,".

* * *

**Aurora Note: So what did you think? Please let me know if there's any mistakes in both spelling and plot. And am I over doing the whole bunny suit thing? Also I'm painfully aware that the characters are probably more than a little OOC -_-' I hope Kyon's pranks are good enough too! **

**Oh and a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who's reviewed so far and I've never had so many alerts and reviews after two chapters before! XD It's awesome!**

**Please review and check out my profile for more of my work! ^_^**


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